So as I kept hinting…I had kind of a big audition yesterday. About a month ago I decided that I wanted to take my career in a different direction. Not to eliminate the successes and connections I’ve already made (translation: not to give up Musical Theatre), but rather to broaden my horizons. I decided that I wanted to start focusing on more plays and on-camera opportunities, along with musical theatre.

As far as musical theatre goes, I’m kind of stuck between types right now. This last year or so I’ve played everything from a 50 year old wicked stepmother to a 22 year old bright eyed ingenue. People don’t really seem to know where to place me right now, which is both a curse and a blessing. It’s a blessing because since I’m not an obvious type I get to play an array of different kinds of roles. I’m not stuck playing the same thing over and over. It’s a curse because when I audition for something I don’t always know what role to tailor for. If I know the director it helps because then I sort of know what they normally see me as. And of course there are those wonderful directors that take chances on me again and again like Sheldon Patinkin, David Zak, and Elizabeth Margolius. They don’t stick me in a box. They let me play something completely different each time I work with them and THAT my friends, is a blessing.

What does all this have to do with the audition? I’m getting there I promise! I have been between shows so I had a lot of time to think. I thought about the last couple of years. I thought about how I always feel like I need a show whether I’m really interested in the project or not. I thought about how I’m instantly handicapped with many of these musicals I’m auditioning for because I’m not a dancer. I thought about the last time I was truly happy and artistically satisfied during a theatrical production. I thought about what exactly makes me happy about being an actor and what doesn’t. I thought about all these things and decided to make some changes.

The first couple of changes were small. I said no to a project I didn’t feel passionate about. This was really hard for me! I went to non-musical generals for a company instead of their musical generals even though I may have fared better at the musical ones. It was my first non-musical audition in 5 years. I was extremely nervous. I also didn’t audition for a project that I really wanted. That may sound counter-intuitive, but for me it gave me back the power over my career. I decided that it was better for me to make a decision that was really hard for me, than to do the same thing I’ve been doing for years. Rather than get frustrated over circumstances I couldn’t control, I started to prepare to move in a completely new direction. I applied for the School at Steppenwolf.

About a week ago I was notified that I’d been granted an audition and yesterday I had the audition. It was terrifying for me. I had to prepare two monologues and a scene. I didn’t have my voice to hide behind. I was so intimidated that I was sort of paralyzed the first half of the week not knowing where to start or HOW to begin.

I snapped out of it though and did my prep work and worked with my talented roommate a bit. I felt ready when I went, and I have to say it was one of the best auditions of my life. It may have even been the best. I was floating when I left. I almost started crying on the train. I was so proud of myself for conquering my fears and putting myself out of my comfort zone. I don’t know if they thought I did as well as I did, or how I measure up to the other candidates, or if I have a real shot at this or not, and frankly I HONESTLY DON’T CARE. I’ve won. Regardless of what happens I’ve won. All of this has propelled me in a new direction. I don’t know if it’ll lead to Steppenwolf, but I know it will lead somewhere that I wasn’t heading before. I’ve taken another fork in the road, and it was hard, and it makes it all the more sweet.

I just want to say one more thing. Even though I didn’t share it on my blog, I did talk to many of the people that I trust in my life about it. Not one person doubted me. Not one person didn’t think I could do it. On the contrary, my confidants believed in me so strongly that I didn’t have a choice but to believe in myself. I am truly blessed to have these people in my life. Now in true Oscar fashion I’m going to name names until they cut me off with the music:

THANK YOU Sheldon Patinkin, Janet Louer, Scott Olson, David Zak, Eric Martin, Brenda Didier, (music starts playing) HOLD ON! Lili-Anne Brown, Andra-Velis Simon, Jessica Cook, Jennifer Grubb, Danni Smith, Laura McClain, Adam Minegar, Annie Passanisi,(music gets louder) I WILL NOT LEAVE WITHOUT THANKING MY FAMILY! Mom and Dad, Gabe, Jonathan, Grandpa, and every single person who listened to me talk things out. It’s meant the world to me. (they threaten to cut to commercial) Love YOU! Support live theater! (they pull me off the stage by my hair)

Harmony

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