A post on Theater and Family

November 27th, 2010

When I got the amazing news that I’d be playing Violet in Bailiwick Chicago’s Spring production of Violet I was absolutely thrilled, but there was a tiny voice in the back of my head that was saying, “What will be the sacrifice?” Call me superstitious, but whenever something really fantastic happens in my career I prepare for something crazy to happen in my personal life. I wait for “the other shoe to drop” so to speak.

The shoe dropped. It dropped in a major way. I’m not going to go into specifics. Let’s just say that nobody died, but I got a call on November 6th that changed my family forever. I had to leave right then and there to go be there for my family. I had to cancel gigs, benefits, some extra work, etc. Luckily everyone was very understanding. LUCKILY I was not involved in a full production at the time.

“LUCKILY I was not involved in a full production at the time.” That sentence is not something I thought I’d ever say. I have consistently put my career first. I’ve missed weddings, graduations, holidays, etc. so that I could work in my field. Even now I’m not sure if I would have come down here if  it meant I had to leave a full production. I’d like to think I would have. I think I would have. I get so wrapped up in furthering my career and taking all the right steps and making all the right moves that it becomes my entire existence.

I remember being so upset and almost embarrassed that I didn’t have a fall show. I came very close on a couple of projects. One project in particular, a big one, I came so close on that it was almost torturous. I almost would have rather been cut on the first round of auditions, than to get so close I could taste it and not get it.

But now that I know what would have happened, I feel so relieved, so blessed, to be free to spend this time with my family. It hasn’t all been fun, quite the opposite actually. Some of the days I’ve been more stressed out and upset than I’ve been in my life.  And I haven’t been Mother Theresa the whole time either. There have been days that I was bratty and impatient, but overall this has been such a period of growth and strength for me and for my family. I feel so honored to have spent such quality time with my family and that I’ve seen how strong our family still is, even in the face of hardship. I’ll remember this period of time and treasure it for the rest of my life.

And how does this translate to theater? The answer is, how does it NOT?  I’m going to take every bit of this heartache and strength and pour it into Violet. Life is not always easy or what you expected it to be. Sometimes it really sucks. Sometimes you are pushed beyond what you thought your limitations were. I was. How can this do anything but make me a better daughter, sister, human being, and actor?

As actors we are limited to our experiences and our imagination. The more life you live, the more hardships you face head on, the more experience you have to bring to your craft, THE BETTER ACTOR YOU WILL BE.

So what’s the point of all this? Not sure. I guess it’s to live life. Don’t get so wrapped up in your career and the theatrical community that you forget to have an outside life. And hug your parents, brothers, sisters, grandpas, what have you. You never know how long you’ll have them.

Happy Holidays my dears

Harmony

Soooo this happened….Violet

October 24th, 2010

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Everything about this is prophetic. The very first professional show I did after returning to college was The Christmas Schooner. Many Chicago actors also got their start with this show. I played the pivotal chorus role of Olive, brilliantly I might add. At the time I ran a small theater company, Blue Moon Studio Theater, may she rest in peace. Nancy Kolton, one of my Schooner castmates, gave me a CD of a little-known musical to listen to for Blue Moon to possibly produce. That show was Violet.

Well we did not produce Violet, but I fell in love with the show and I am happy to announce that I will be playing Violet in Bailiwick Chicago’s Spring production of VIOLET! I’m so excited and thankful. This is one of those characters that I just slide right into. She feels like home to me, which may say something about my mental health! ;-) Not only do I get to play this incredible role in this BEAUTIFUL show, but I get to do it with a ridiculously-off the charts-talented cast, with one of my absolute favorite directors (Elizabeth Margolius), and with my very own company (Bailiwick Chicago).

There is so much more that I want to say and feelings I want to share. Discoveries! Breakthroughs! Musings! And they will follow. For now let me just say that this is one very happy girl right now. Sometimes you work hard and it actually pays off. Not usually…but SOMETIMES IT DOES!

P.S. You know that woman? Nancy? The one who gave me the cd? Yeah…her. She’s in it with me. Talk about serendipity! Theater is AWESOME!

P.S.   I love my friends to a ridiculous degree. Danni, Jenny, Eric, Laura, Sam, Annie, Jess, Jim, Tom, Patrick, I’m talking to YOU. And thanks to Elizabeth, Kevin, Peter, Kate, Lil, and, Jonathan. Can’t wait to get started!

I AM ON MY WAY!

Harmony

Almost paradise…or…Peninsula Players: A Study

August 25th, 2010

Well I’m back from my adventure in the Mystical place called Peninsula Players Theatre, tucked into the lush woods of Fish Creek in Door County, Wisconsin. I’ve been back in Chicago for a little over a week now, and still don’t quite know how to describe my journey Into the Woods (heh heh).

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First of all there were things like this…

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And people like this…

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And a THEATRE like THIS…

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And this amazing angel heart of a woman…

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And these phenomenal women…

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And this utterly delightful and insanely talented creature…

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And these funny ladies…

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And THIS blessed man…

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And my two fabulous partners in crime…

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And moments like this…

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And more nights like this…

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And more amazing folks…

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And food like this…

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And completely inspiring families like these…

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And a dressing room filled with this kind of talent…

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And even MORE of these…

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I could go on and on. I think I’ll be processing my experience for some time. It was life-changing, awe-inspiring, heartbreaking, life-affirming, intimidating, welcoming, frustrating, loving, comfortable, and fun. Sharing the stage with these actors was a master class every single night. Singing this quality of music was like a blessing from God. It was so beautiful. That is the word to describe the experience: beautiful. The show, the music, the property, the theatre, the people, the scenery….BEAUTIFUL.

I feel so unbelievably fortunate and thankful that not only did these amazing people open up their theatre and their art to me, but they opened up their hearts and their HOME. Anyone who has worked there will understand that it is not just a theatre, it is home. People are always drawn back to this magical place. Some choose to vacation there, some get married there, some even choose it as their final resting place and I fully understand why.

If I am ever fortunate enough to return I’m promising myself now that I will spend less time being terrified that I’m going to mess something up, or that people will learn how much I like to sleep, or that sometimes after eating I lick my bowl completely clean (especially if it’s ice cream or kraft mac and cheese), or that I like to sit in complete silence, or that I’m really loud, or that people will learn how insecure a tough Navy broad can sometimes be. The one thing I learned, amongst MANY things, is that you can’t help but be exactly who you are at Peninsula Players. It’s too beautiful to be anything but truly honest and beautifully flawed.

So that’s it for now. Those are my thoughts. I’m sure many will follow as I fully process my experience. I just can’t say enough how lucky and honored and amazed I felt this summer. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

Love Harmony

Tales of an Ingenue

June 27th, 2010

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Theater is a funny thing. You never know how shows are going to end up. You never know which shows are going to really stick with you and which ones you’ll happily move on from. Oh Boy! ended up being the best theatrical experience I’ve had in some time. I fell madly, deeply in love with this little unknown show. It was a gem. It was extremely special.

A couple of things to know: Oh Boy! was Jeff-Recommended, It is extending its run, and I can’t extend with it.

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I’m feeling very sentimental this morning. Today is the last day of the original run. Today is my last show and I am going to miss this show immeasurably.  My roommate always teases me that I only like this show as much as I do because of the pretty costumes. And to be perfectly honest, that’s part of it. But it’s not just the costumes, it’s the whole package. I never get to do this. I never got to play the girly, pretty, effervescent roles that I would fantasize about while putting on my fatsuit, or unibrow, crazy wig, or whatever else my crazy character role required.

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This was a breath of pretty, frothy, lovely, fresh air and I loved every minute of it. I just loved playing Lou Ellen. She was such a sweeetheart and so pure and loyal. Lou Ellen was cupcakes and butterflies and cotton candy and rainbows. It was nice to live that for a while. I’m sure starting tomorrow it’ll be back to playing whores and witches again, which I LOVE…don’t get me wrong, but this was a nice change.

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Who knew that a character that sings “I want to be a good little wife in the good old-fashioned way. I’ll honor and obey. From my home I’ll never stray,” would end up being one of the most liberating roles I’ve ever played. Theater is a funny FUNNY thing and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

***All photos by Johnny Knight***

Staying Positive

May 20th, 2010

So I get a lot of messages asking me questions or making comments on my blog. One of the most common observations is that I seem to always have a positive outlook. I would like to state for the record that this is not true. I have negative thoughts and feelings just like everyone else ALL THE TIME. I do, however, try to stay positive on my blog. It doesn’t help anyone including myself to dwell on bad experiences or bitch about auditions or things not being fair. Sometimes I’ll dip my toe in the bitter pool, but I try to take it out as soon as I can.

This business can be rewarding and inspiring and uplifting and it can also SUCK. It can SUCK hardcore. It can make you feel worthless and untalented and old and unattractive. The thing is, I like this to be a suck-free zone (okay that just sounds gross). Anyway, you get my point. I like this to be a place that I can come to to lift me up and that’s why I keep the Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms kind of attitude, or try to.

But for those who would like to see the misery. Misery does love company doesn’t it? Here is something I wrote almost exactly two years ago. I was about to turn 30 and wasn’t handling it all that well. DAMN IT! I gave my age away again. Anyway, sometimes it’s good to revisit dark times, it makes us so thankful for lighter and happier times. I am pretty happy right now, but I know that what goes up always comes down. What goes down doesn’t necessarily go up, so we have to learn to bounce. I’m showing you this window into my personal life to prove a point. We all have times like these, and we all can crawl out of them. If you’re down right now…bounce my lovelies….just BOUNCE!

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09/2008

Milestones. That’s what they call it. What is it about milestones that make you stop and evaluate your life, rather harshly, at times. Things that were fine before are suddenly being examined more closely. It’s like a reality check that you’ve suppressed or tried to disguise as something else.

You look around and there are certain parts of your life that you realize are not okay. Certain things become almost unbearable. A job, the place you live, someone in your life, etc. It’s almost crippling. I’ve been trying to break out of this awful self examination for three weeks. It’s not working. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’ve been extremely sick and that I’m literally starving right now. A starving artist . How freaking poetic. I have one salad and one bagel in my stomach for the last three days. The job that was feeding me is no more. My car is gone. I’m almost out of money.

The funny thing is I’m doing fabulously theater-wise. Even the second callback I had this morning at 10 am went amazingly well. The behind the scenes view was me in the bathroom ten minutes before layering gobs of concealer under my eyes, shimmer powder on my face, and every trick I know so they wouldn’t know that I was malnournished, sick, and sad. I had them fooled. I’m a very good actress. Hysterical.

There are people that are broke and lonely but have people taking care of them, always bailing them out of binds, buying them things, escaping from their life. Then there is ACTUALLY being broke and lonely. It’s two very different things.

I’ve been through and accomplished so much in my life…shouldn’t I be further along by now? I don’t know what to do to get out of debt. I don’t. Even working my tail off I barely make enough to pay rent. I would move to a cheaper place but I have close to a year left on this lease. I’m just plain miserable right now. I don’t want to be. I don’t get off on it or anything. I know that this is the life that I chose. There is pride and honor in that. I’m a working actress. There is pride and honor in that too. I just need more than that. I do. Who knew? My career has always been the most important thing to me and it’s just assumed that if you are doing well in your career that you must be happy. I couldn’t be more unhappy right now. Well that isn’t true. There haven’t been any casualties or anything (knock on wood).

The point is that I feel trapped in this way of life that I’ve imprisoned myself in and I don’t know how to escape from it. It’s not okay to live in squalor, it’s not okay to not be able to pay your own bills, it’s not okay to be taken advantage of, it’s not okay to be completely dependable and not have anyone to depend on. These things are not okay. I’m just so sad right now. I wish I could snap out of it. I really do.

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand back to Happy! Woohoo! I hope I haven’t scared you away completely. Bounce my lovelies!!!!

Love and Insanity,

Harmony

The Scoop on Harmony: musicals, readings, benefits, and Jess Godwin’s cd release…Oh My!

May 11th, 2010

When it rains it pours. And I mean….POURS. I figured I better knock one of these scoops out before I’m too busy to have the time.

This past weekend I sang, along with many other Columbia College Chicago alums such as Tom McGunn and Leah Morrow, at the Retirement Party for Estelle Spector. After almost 30 years at Columbia College she is retiring. It was her retirement party, her birthday, AND Mother’s Day!

I sang Joanne’s big solo “The Ladies who Lunch” from Company, a show that Estelle directed me in in 2005. In addition to Company, Estelle directed me in Guys and Dolls, I had class with her, and for a time I worked as her assistant. In classic Estelle fashion when I was finished with the song she said, “It’s gotten much better,” and we both laughed. Indeed, Estelle, it has gotten much better. ;) It was good to see you and talk to you and I wish you the best!

If you know Estelle Spector and she touched your life in a positive way send her a message HERE.

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1) Fifth of July reading

I am so thrilled to be working on this amazing play. I’m playing Gwen, the nymphomanic wanna-be Country singer. Fifth of July is a 1979 play by American playwright Lanford Wilson. Set in rural Missouri in 1977, it revolves around the Talley family and their friends, and focuses on the disillusionment with America in the wake of the Vietnam War.

This is the second installment of Five Decades of Great Gay Plays being put on by my dear friend David Zak’s new venture: Pride Films and Plays.

Patrick Walsh directs a cast featuring John Zinn Jonas Grey, Brian Rooney, Harmony France, Kieran Welsh-Phillips, Deanna Norman, Michele Gorman and Jeremy Cohn.

The Host for the evening is Misha Davenport of the Chicago Sun-Times.

For tickets call 773 250 3112 or 1800 838 3006 or on line at Brown Paper Tickets.

The cast is really fantastic and it is a terrific play. Come check it out!

WHEN: May 16, 7pm

WHERE: Theatre Building Chicago, 1225 West Belmont, Chicago

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2) Join me for a one-night only benefit performance of:

SHOW US YOUR LOVE

Sunday, May 23

7:30 pm

Pre-show Lobby Reception at 6:30 pm

Skokie Theatre

7924 Lincoln Ave, Skokie, IL

Proceeds will help fund Bailiwick Chicago’s summer production, Elton John and Tim Rice’s AIDA.

I will be singing “Kind of Woman” from Pippin and “Someone to Dance with Me” from Summer of ‘42.
Additionally there are selections from Floyd Collins, Barnum, Hair, Sunday in the Park with George, Aida, amongst others.

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3) Oh Boy!

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FINALLY!!!! FIIIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAALLLLLYYYYYY!!!! We go into tech this weekend and I think the show is in a pretty good place. We still have a ways to go, but we’re at that point in the process where things are really starting to happen. I’m seeing the show rear its pretty little head. I have absolutely loved working on this project. My cast is delightful and Terry McCabe (Director), Kingsley Day (Music Director and he plays my father!), and Amy Uhl (Choreographer) have made it such a smooth process.
I adore my character, Lou Ellen. She’s such a sweetheart and she’s so hopeful and a little quirky. She’s the kind of part I never get to play and I’m LOVING it. I’m a dainty girl and my costumes by Tom Keiffer are simply beautiful. My mother will be so happy that I get to wear the pretty costumes! Anyway….here are the deets:
WHEN: Previews start May 21st, Opening May 25th and runs through June 27th

WHERE: City Lit Theater Company, 1020 W Bryn Mawr Avenue , Chicago,
(773) 293-3682
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4) Jess Godwin’s CD Release Party!!!

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I have to include this in my scoop. Yes, I’m singing back up, but don’t come for me, come for this incredibly talented woman! Jess Godwin was one of my first friends in Chicago, literally. I met her on our very first day of college and we’ve been friends ever since. Her music is so phenomenal!!! Jess will be performing along with her band: Matt FitzSimons, Bryce Dudka, and Alain Milotti.

And check out her list of guest artists, featured musicians, and back-up singers!:
Le Percolateur
Katie Gavin
Alan Schmuckler
One Voice
The Cast of Bailiwick Chicago’s “Aida”
Route 66 Theatre Company
Harmony France
Angela Ingersoll
Lili-Anne Brown
Jenn Rhoads
Karen Marie Richardson
Kat Fitzgerald
Elizabeth Baltes
Katie Romano
Natalie Pelletier
Grace Anaclerio
Laura Katz
Caroline Thinnes

WHEN: June 13, 2010 at 8:30pm

WHERE: MORSELAND, 1218 West Morse Ave., Chicago
http://www.jessgodwin.com/
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5) A Little Night Music

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I am so ridiculously excited to be part of Peninsula Players 75th anniversary season in this beautiful show.

“A Little Night Music” is Broadway’s sophisticated, stylish and disarmingly funny comedy about second chances.  In turn-of-the century Sweden, six people, whose love-lives have gone off track, are given a taste of love’s endless possibilities. Old flames are rekindled and others ignite while Sondheim’s waltz-like score plays on.  This witty and elegant musical is a celebration of romance, a Valentine for Door County audiences, and features one of Sondheim’s most popular hits, “Send in the Clowns.”

This cherished musical is the winner of six Tony Awards including Best Musical and Best Original Score.

I’ve heard nothing but amazing things about this theater company and I am honored to be part of this production.

WHEN: July 28 –August 15

WHERE: Peninsula Players, 4351 Peninsula Players Road, Fish Creek, WI

920-868-3287

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND Finally…if any of you have made it this far down…Congratulations to all my friends that just received Non-Equity Jeff nominations!

Congrats to two of my favorite Non-Equity theater companies Bohemian Theatre Ensemble and  Theo Ubique for garnering 11 nominations each and Congrats to my lovely, lovely friends:

Fred Anzevino, Brenda Didier, Stephen Genovese, Courtney Crouse, Jeremy Trager, Tom Mcgunn, Maggie Portman, Sarah Hayes, Danielle Brothers, Eric Lindahl, John Leen, Kate Garassino, Danni Smith. Trista Smith, Dana Tretta, Nick Sula, Brigitte Ditmars, Edward Kuffert, and Andrew Park.

Here’s the full list of nominees: HERE

Enjoy our gloomy Spring! I LOVE IT!

Until next time,

Harmony

Time Off: Part 2

April 11th, 2010

So I wrote a whole blog HERE about how time off can be depressing for an actor. There’s the fear of never working again and what not. blah blah blah. What I didn’t write about in that blog is about how glorious it can be. I’ve had a social life! I’ve had nights in. I’ve been able to watch tv when the programs are actually on! I’ve been able to cook and have friends over on weeknights. I reconnected with people I haven’t seen in years because I had the time to do it! I did tons of thinking. I was able to spend more time on my auditions and I booked my summer because of it. I got to spend time with my roommate. A lot of time LOL. When we’re both working on shows, we don’t see much of each other. I didn’t have to plan my week to the nth degree. I was able to be a little spontaneous. I got to be lazy. I got to be productive. I got to be creative. I got to relax. I was able to help out with Bailiwick Chicago behind the scenes because I actually had the TIME.

I think, as many of us do, that I replace my personal life with my professional life sometimes. Or that they become the same thing. When you’re doing well in your career you’re able to hide behind it and fill gaps in your life with your successes. When suddenly you don’t have a gig, or you’re waiting for your next one, you have to deal with your real life. You have to deal with the areas of your life that seem lacking. It can be hard, but it’s also a time of growth and self awareness. I didn’t have “the stage” to distract me with its glamour and its heartache. It’s so important for us as artists to have lives separate from our stage personas. Otherwise what are we bringing to our art?

I’ve said before that an actor’s ability is limited to the extent of their experience and their imagination. The more experience you have the more you have to draw from. We should be as daring and fearless in life as we are on stage. That is my goal. That is what I strive for. I want to live this life so absolutely that it can’t help but seep into my work in the theater. I don’t want to pass up any opportunities. No more being afraid. No more missed connections. They make me sad. Take a chance on people! Don’t be afraid to love. Be brave my friends! Be brave and be fabulous!

I’ve overindulged a bit this last three months, but it felt wonderful. I felt really alive and I feel like I have something new to bring to the table now. I start rehearsals for Oh Boy! tomorrow and then I’m booked everyday through the summer with a list of things that keeps growing. I’m extremely excited to have so much coming up, but I’m also a little sad that my break is over. It has truly been life-changing. When I am insanely busy again, I need to remember not to neglect the Harmony that isn’t on stage all the time. She deserves some attention too. I will neglect her no longer!!!

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After reading this through I’ve realized that I sound like a combination of  a hippie and a psycho. I do apologize. Some things just must be said, even if they’re a little scatter-brained.

Thank you for sticking with me through my insanity. HAPPY SPRING!!!!!

Harmony

The Scoop on Harmony

April 5th, 2010

So much has happened since my last scoop. I’ve had sort of a fantastic theater streak. I’ve also had some crazy personal problems. Not sure how to write about it all. I guess I’ll just do some word vomit and just apologize ahead of time for it. I apologize. There, I apologized. So, read on at your own risk I suppose. I did warn you. No complaining later.

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First an update on Steppenwolf, since so many people have been so supportive and want to know the outcome. I did not get accepted to the School at Steppenwolf. I did, however, get offered an “alternate” position. Basically, if someone can’t go I am on a short waiting list of who they will call. It’s not exactly what I hoped for, but it’s a feat none-the-less. I am extremely proud of myself. I did something that was so extremely intimidating for me and I came this close to getting it. I hadn’t done a non-musical audition for close to 5 years, so I’m going to pat myself on the back a bit. I’m going to take a moment to be proud of myself, even if it’s just for almost getting in.

I have had a lot of questions of how the whole process works from people that might be interested in attending in the future. So here goes. I had to fill out an application, write two essays, give a $50 application fee, and get a letter of recommendation. I sent three because I’m a freak. After sending in your audition packet you get notified by email whether you’ve been granted an audition or not. This year they granted 260 auditions. For the audition I had to do a monologue, have a second monologue ready just in case, and pick a scene to do. They gave me an option of 5 scenes. I picked the Frankie and Johnny scene and did a monologue from Keely and Du.

I then waited about 2 1/2 weeks and got my notification by email. This year of the 260 people that auditioned for the school, they accepted 28 people and then have a small “alternate” list. Another thing to keep in mind is that Steppenwolf fills their school in the same way they would cast a company of actors. They want different types and personalities. They said it is all about the mix of people. So, I would only be offered a spot in the school if the person who couldn’t go fit my type, or I filled that slot well. I’m guessing one of the older actors would have to drop, since I have heard that they only accept like 2 people over 30. Did I just give away my age? SHIT.

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That brings me to my other bit of news. I’m just thrilled to announce that I was just cast in the 75th anniversary season production of A Little Night Music at Peninsula Players. I’m one of the Liebeslieder Singers. I couldn’t be more excited. It’s in beautiful Door County, Wisconsin. Greg Vinkler is directing. There will be much more information on this show to follow!

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And FINALLY Oh Boy! starts rehearsals next week. I feel like I’ve been talking about this show FOREVER. I’m so glad it’s finally going to be underway. I was cast at the beginning of the fall, so I’m really happy to get started. Unfortunately Sheldon Patinkin is no longer directing. He needs a little more time to recover from his surgery. Fortunately, however, Terry McCabe is our new director and Sheldon will be popping his head in from time to time to give his advice. I’m very excited about this project. I’ve read the script a couple of times now and my character, Lou Ellen, is hilarious and not in an obvious way. I think everything she says is funny, so hopefully I can do her justice.

So that’s all the theater news…and it’s so exciting. I have two projects that I’m really passionate about coming up and I got a serious confidence boost through Steppenwolf. I probably wouldn’t have even auditioned for Peninsula Players if it hadn’t been for my experience with Steppenwolf. It has really given me a renewed confidence in myself. I feel like I’m not an idiot. I’m not wasting my life. I can actually do this and it’s time to raise the bar for myself and go after things that maybe I was too insecure to go after before.

The thing that I’ve learned in this last couple of weeks though is that you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I have been so stressed out about other personal aspects of my life that it was hard to enjoy the theater accomplishments I was achieving. I haven’t been eating well, been drinking way too much, and I’ve been a big ole worry wart. We dream about breaks like I’ve gotten in the last week or so, but I think in our dreams we’re also happily coupled, our families are in great shape, our friends are fantastic AND we get great theater news. It doesn’t work like that. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life. The facts of life. You like that? I’m thinking about writing a song. No copyright infringements!!!

Seriously though, it’s all good. The good and the bad. Take the bad with relish. It makes us human. It makes the good so much sweeter. And another thing…don’t be afraid of life. Don’t be afraid to take a chance. Put your neck out, seriously what’s the worst thing that can happen? You can fail. That’s it. If you don’t take big risks, you won’t get big rewards. I am no longer talking about theater, but it can apply to theater too of course. Now my brain is wandering. I was doing so well at staying concise. I did warn you though. hmmmm what do I want for dinner? What is the meaning of life? If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, did it really fall? So many questions. Goodbye. See you in hell.

Harmony

Reviews, Reviewers, and the like…

March 19th, 2010

Reviewers/critics/what have you, can make or break your show. We are told repeatedly not to care what the reviews say, but the fact of the matter is it puts butts in the seats if the show is reviewed well. For anyone who has worn a producing hat from time to time, you understand how important it is. Smaller theater companies, particularly Non-Equity ones, rely on good reviews because of their lack of an advertising budget. Because of this, when we know reviewers are coming everyone goes a little batty. Houses are papered (tickets are given away), audiences are filled with friendly faces that will enjoy the show in an obvious way. Each director/producer has a different way of handling whether the actors know about the reviewers or not. In some companies they drill it into your head so that you know WHAT’S AT STAKE! In other companies it’s kept as top secret information lest the actors find out and it influences the show.

I’ve seen actors and other theater professionals take to their bed for a week after a bad review or, heaven forbid, a bout of bad reviews. I’ve seen people’s performances fall apart due to the onset of insecurity that comes from a bad notice. I’ve seen actors CHANGE their performance to match what a reviewer says. It’s all very silly, but in a business that can be thankless, good reviews and accolades are a nice boost to keep us going. Bad reviews have an adverse effect.

I used to get extremely wrapped up in all of this. Good reviews made me feel like I was on top of the world and bad reviews made me feel like a huge pile of crap. This continued until I did Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Tell me on a Sunday. It’s a one-woman musical and I got more reviews than I ever had before because I was the only actor on stage. There was no getting around it. We probably got about 13 reviews for the show from opening through the extension. My day would be good, or bad, depending on what had been written about me that day.

On one night I received 4 reviews with 4 completely different perspectives. One thought I pretty much sucked all around. One thought I was fabulous and the hottest ticket in town. One said that I was a weak actor, but had a great voice and one said that I was a weak singer, but a great actor.

After receiving all of these highly conflicting reviews I did something I hadn’t thought to do yet. I laughed it off. I realized how ridiculous I was being to believe everything that was being written about me whether good or bad. Clearly they couldn’t ALL be right! Their opinions didn’t match up at all, and that’s what they are…OPINIONS. It is one individual giving an opinion. That’s it. Not just that, but we don’t know what goes into that opinion. Anything from the reviewers health, mood that day, dinner before the show, comfort of their seat, what the weather is, whether they have pre-conceived notions, whether they like the playwright/composer/ etc. etc. etc. into infinity effects both good and bad reviews.

Also, they are seeing ONE performance. They don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. They don’t know when you’re sick, lost a loved one, are having an off night, broke up with your boyfriend, etc. etc. etc. into infinity. They don’t know for instance that an actress’ pants went missing right before the show and she had to wear something that was supposed to be a long shirt as a dress and bend down and pick things up and try not to flash the audience her hoo-hah in the process. The reviewer didn’t know all of that before writing that the actress seemed “self conscious about her body.” I don’t know WHO this actress is by the way. It’s not me!!!! Pretend I didn’t tell this story. I made it all up. Moving on…

I’m not trying to diminish the importance of reviewers in this business at all. There are certain reviewers in this city that are brilliant and who I really trust. I’ve also been in many a show that the reviewers were our best friends. They saved our show. They made people come see it. It can be a wonderful thing! My POINT is (thank goodness, right?) let the producers worry about the reviews. As actors our only responsibility is to be true to the text, take care of our bodies, and to follow our direction. That’s it! The other stuff is out of our control. If this means that you have to not read the reviews to keep from getting upset than DON’T! I know many actors that don’t. If you do choose to read them just remember it’s just normal people with opinions. Don’t let it define you!

That is my wisdom for the day…

Harmony

“In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new.”  -Anton Ego (Ratatouille!)

The Cat’s out of the bag…

March 10th, 2010

So as I kept hinting…I had kind of a big audition yesterday. About a month ago I decided that I wanted to take my career in a different direction. Not to eliminate the successes and connections I’ve already made (translation: not to give up Musical Theatre), but rather to broaden my horizons. I decided that I wanted to start focusing on more plays and on-camera opportunities, along with musical theatre.

As far as musical theatre goes, I’m kind of stuck between types right now. This last year or so I’ve played everything from a 50 year old wicked stepmother to a 22 year old bright eyed ingenue. People don’t really seem to know where to place me right now, which is both a curse and a blessing. It’s a blessing because since I’m not an obvious type I get to play an array of different kinds of roles. I’m not stuck playing the same thing over and over. It’s a curse because when I audition for something I don’t always know what role to tailor for. If I know the director it helps because then I sort of know what they normally see me as. And of course there are those wonderful directors that take chances on me again and again like Sheldon Patinkin, David Zak, and Elizabeth Margolius. They don’t stick me in a box. They let me play something completely different each time I work with them and THAT my friends, is a blessing.

What does all this have to do with the audition? I’m getting there I promise! I have been between shows so I had a lot of time to think. I thought about the last couple of years. I thought about how I always feel like I need a show whether I’m really interested in the project or not. I thought about how I’m instantly handicapped with many of these musicals I’m auditioning for because I’m not a dancer. I thought about the last time I was truly happy and artistically satisfied during a theatrical production. I thought about what exactly makes me happy about being an actor and what doesn’t. I thought about all these things and decided to make some changes.

The first couple of changes were small. I said no to a project I didn’t feel passionate about. This was really hard for me! I went to non-musical generals for a company instead of their musical generals even though I may have fared better at the musical ones. It was my first non-musical audition in 5 years. I was extremely nervous. I also didn’t audition for a project that I really wanted. That may sound counter-intuitive, but for me it gave me back the power over my career. I decided that it was better for me to make a decision that was really hard for me, than to do the same thing I’ve been doing for years. Rather than get frustrated over circumstances I couldn’t control, I started to prepare to move in a completely new direction. I applied for the School at Steppenwolf.

About a week ago I was notified that I’d been granted an audition and yesterday I had the audition. It was terrifying for me. I had to prepare two monologues and a scene. I didn’t have my voice to hide behind. I was so intimidated that I was sort of paralyzed the first half of the week not knowing where to start or HOW to begin.

I snapped out of it though and did my prep work and worked with my talented roommate a bit. I felt ready when I went, and I have to say it was one of the best auditions of my life. It may have even been the best. I was floating when I left. I almost started crying on the train. I was so proud of myself for conquering my fears and putting myself out of my comfort zone. I don’t know if they thought I did as well as I did, or how I measure up to the other candidates, or if I have a real shot at this or not, and frankly I HONESTLY DON’T CARE. I’ve won. Regardless of what happens I’ve won. All of this has propelled me in a new direction. I don’t know if it’ll lead to Steppenwolf, but I know it will lead somewhere that I wasn’t heading before. I’ve taken another fork in the road, and it was hard, and it makes it all the more sweet.

I just want to say one more thing. Even though I didn’t share it on my blog, I did talk to many of the people that I trust in my life about it. Not one person doubted me. Not one person didn’t think I could do it. On the contrary, my confidants believed in me so strongly that I didn’t have a choice but to believe in myself. I am truly blessed to have these people in my life. Now in true Oscar fashion I’m going to name names until they cut me off with the music:

THANK YOU Sheldon Patinkin, Janet Louer, Scott Olson, David Zak, Eric Martin, Brenda Didier, (music starts playing) HOLD ON! Lili-Anne Brown, Andra-Velis Simon, Jessica Cook, Jennifer Grubb, Danni Smith, Laura McClain, Adam Minegar, Annie Passanisi,(music gets louder) I WILL NOT LEAVE WITHOUT THANKING MY FAMILY! Mom and Dad, Gabe, Jonathan, Grandpa, and every single person who listened to me talk things out. It’s meant the world to me. (they threaten to cut to commercial) Love YOU! Support live theater! (they pull me off the stage by my hair)

Harmony

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