I’m kind of superstitious, but only when it comes to theater.  If I have a bad audition in an outfit I will NOT wear that outfit to an audition again. If I crash and burn on a song selection I will “punish it” by hiding it in the back of my closet or in the freezer or anywhere that will insure that I do not attempt to use it again. Note: I have not ACTUALLY ever put sheet music in the freezer. I’m a little nuts, but not THAT nuts.

Following this bizarre train of thinking I was afraid to audition for the Marriott this year due to my past experiences. I thought that my auditioning for the Marriott would be forever cursed. I actually didn’t audition for them for a year and a half because I was afraid that I would end up falling or peeing on myself or something awful. All of my most horrifying audition stories come from auditioning for THIS particular company. ****Warning! If you get queasy from reading about bodily fluids, please stop reading now!****

Alright I’ve been insanely intimidated by the dumb Marriott (It’s not dumb. It’s a lovely company. I’M dumb for being intimidated) since John Komasa (who I love and adore!) made such a big deal about me claiming to be his student to audition for them. What was that? Four or five years ago I think. He was right by the way. I wasn’t ready at ALL. I believe during that audition I sang “Johnny One Note.” UGH. Double double toil and trouble UGH. So that was the first one. I don’t remember what my legit piece was. LOL I’m sure I wasn’t asked to sing one.

The next time (I believe. There may have been one more. If so, it was unmemorable.) was when I was called in for You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown. I sang…hmmmm…what the heck did I sing? I think I sang Little Red’s song from Into the Woods, but tried to make it bratty. Well they gave me direction. How about you act like a real person and not the stereotype of a brat? (They didn’t actually say this. They were very nice. But, that is what I would’ve told myself if I had been casting.) I took the direction to be a human and they liked it. I’m actually very good at being a human when I remember to do it. AND then I didn’t apply it to my second song, which I think was “Maybe I like it this Way” from Wild Party. Completely inappropriate! I was intense and ridiculous and not ANYTHING like what they would want for You’re a Good Man Freaking Charlie Brown! Note: always apply notes or direction from one piece to the other when auditioning. If they want to see a natural portrayal of a song chances are they’ll still want a natural portrayal if you sing another one instead of acting like a raging lunatic. UGH

Okay the THIRD time I sang “I Will be Loved Tonight” from I Love You You’re Perfect Now Change which they seemed to love. They asked me to sing another song and I sang “Evil Clyde” from Witches of Eastwick. It was AWFUL. The tempo was wrong. I was weird. Just awful. It totally negated the initial impressive song.

The fourth time I can’t even remember what I sang. What I DO remember is that I forgot to put my contacts in. I didn’t want to wear my GLASSES, so I just took them off for the audition. So I went in, was greeted by someone who remembered me at the table. Couldn’t see who. So I just looked in their general direction. Sang my song. Couldn’t see them. Stood there for what seemed like an eternity after singing before they thanked me. I couldn’t see anything they did. I couldn’t see if they were motioning for me to go, trying to get me to sing my other song, flipping me off, jumping out the window. I COULDN’T SEE ANYTHING! NOTHING. Nightmare.

Now I thought that that was about as bad as it could get, but no. I went in a year and a half ago for their generals. They were doing Nunsense which I figured I could do, so I decided to sing “Adelaide’s Lament” for my “funny” piece. I got my period literally while standing there introducing my song and had one of those awful ones that bleed through everything instantly. I could feel my underwear soaking it up while I stood there singing. I could feel it dripping down my…HORROR. (I warned you!) Mortification. I got through it as fast as possible and then bawled in the bathroom for 10 minutes before I left.

That last experience was traumatizing enough to keep me away for a year and a half. Trepidatiously I decided to tempt fate and conquer my fear and audition for their generals a couple of weeks ago. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand….SUCCESS! I didn’t pee on myself or fall down or make an inappropriate joke. I just went in and sang my piece (”Bill” from Showboat) and it went fine and I didn’t completely humiliate myself. I went in, did my best, left, knew that I did my best, and felt good about it afterward. That’s the secret to a good audition, pleasing YOURSELF.  If you feel like you’re prepared and you did everything in your power to do your best, then you’ll never be disappointed in yourself. You cannot control what the casting director or director is looking for, but you CAN control your preparedness, appearance, and attitude. That’s the key to success my friends (provided of course that bodily fluids don’t get in your way).

THE CURSE IS BROKEN!